What’s the Point?

What is wrong with me? I am inconsolable. I feel like “what’s the point?” about everything right about now. My birthday is on Sunday and usually I celebrate my birthday for the whole month of August. But right now, all I want to do is crawl up into a ball and cry. I can’t even bring myself to make reservations for my birthday dinner at Morton’s or Ruth’s Chris. And I am well aware that there probably aren’t any openings now. I just feel so full. But I feel so empty. These feelings used to be occasional at best, but now they’re almost every week! How can you feel both full and empty at the same time? How am I supposed to deal with these conflicting feelings?Writing used to be cathartic for me. I have journals all over my house, hopeless entries abound. On days when I feel good, I may stumble across one of the journals and read an entry. It’s like reading someone else’s life and it’s so sad. I feel such empathy for that person and it makes me cry all over again but this time as a spectator. I want to help that person, but I cannot. No one can.

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