Do you know it personally? I do. We are very intimate. I am in so much pain…. emotional, physical, spiritual, financial….PAIN! What gives? I can’t win for losing. I don’t mean to take a defeatist stance but as soon as I feel better about any given situation, something comes along and the rug is pulled from under me. I can’t take much more.
I am inconsolable. I am inconsolable. I am inconsolable. I am miserable. I am miserable. I am miserable. I am hopeless. I am hopeless. I am hopeless. I am depressed. I am depressed. I am depressed. I am anxious. I am anxious. I am anxious. I am unhappy. I am unhappy. I am unhappy. I am inconsolable. I am inconsolable. I am inconsolable. I am repeating myself? Yes! Is the repetition driving you crazy? Yes! Imagine how I feel. You get to read it, or not. I have to live it!! There is no “not” to it, for me. Everyday is like groundhog’s day for me. And I just want to wake up one morning and experience a new, different day.
That was all my emotional crap coming out. I haven’t even touched upon the physical. I have been in physical pain for 4 consecutive days now. I haven’t been laying around feeling sorry for myself. No. In fact I have been to the gym the last two days trying to work out the kinks, to no avail.
So…. what to do? I can’t go through life with puffy eyes from crying and not getting enough sleep. I don’t get enough sleep because I’m anxious. I cry because I don’t get enough sleep. I cannot control it. The tears just flow. I’m not even a crier, waterhead, crybaby, Sensitive Sally, or any other name that you would call a person that cries a lot. I am such a strong person, but Lupus is kicking my ass!! Argh!!